Advice and Consent
SENATOR RALPH: And we’re in order. Since my colleagues from the other side, Senator Jimmy and Senator Bobby, have seen fit to put a hold on the President’s nominee for Deputy Assistant Secretary at the Treasury Department, again, we have reluctantly agreed to hold yet another hearing to satisfy them.
SENATOR JIMMY: Hey, who won the election, big boy?
SENATOR RALPH: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But some of us are starting to think you’re deliberately delaying things.
SENATOR BOBBY: Oh piffle. The American people want delay. They love delay. It’s like melted cheese. It goes good on everything.
SENATOR RALPH: Well I guess we still haven’t been bipartisan enough. Okay, Mr. Brett is here. Go ahead and ask your questions.
SENATOR JIMMY: That’s more like it. Now Mr. Brett, this is a very important position you are seeking at the Treasury Department and that is why we have some additional questions to make certain that you are genuinely qualified.
BRETT: Yes sir.
SENATOR JIMMY: First of all, can you count to 10?
BRETT: Yes sir.
SENATOR JIMMY: Fine, no need to demonstrate. I’ll take your word for it. Senator Bobby, you have that word problem ready?
SENATOR BOBBY: Yes I do, yes I do. Where did I put that? Yes, right here. Now Mr. Brett.
BRETT: Yes sir.
SENATOR BOBBY: If a man borrows a thousand dollars, pays back four hundred dollars, and then gets married, what happens next?
BRETT: Oh. Well, the man continues to owe the money, but his wife doesn’t since she didn’t sign the original loan.
SENATOR BOBBY: You mean you understood that one?
BRETT: Yes sir.
SENATOR BOBBY: Okay, is it 2012 yet?
SENATOR JIMMY: No it is not, Senator Bobby, and I am not going to put up with these evasive answers we’re getting.
SENATOR BOBBY: I completely agree. We are all fed up with these evasive answers.
SENATOR JIMMY: They are nothing but evasive. And we are fed up with it, Mr. Brett.
BRETT: Yes sir.
SENATOR JIMMY: Why do you feel that you personally have the right to tax American citizens?
BRETT: Well, Senator…..
SENATOR JIMMY: Isn’t it true that someone who is a member of your gym is collecting an executive bonus?
BRETT: I don’t know anything about that.
SENATOR JIMMY: No, I’ll bet you don’t. Well tell me this. What have the members of your family done to bring down the federal deficit?
BRETT: What do the members of my family…..
SENATOR JIMMY: You heard me. And I want you to explain why you don’t bring your lunch to work.
SENATOR BOBBY: How many people in your home town have had abortions? And why are you still talking to them?
SENATOR JIMMY: Didn’t all this trouble begin when we started allowing women to own property?
SENATOR BOBBY: That’s right. And when you said that it’s okay for forest rangers to have coffee together, you meant it was okay for them to unionize, didn’t you?
BRETT: No, I never said that….
SENATOR JIMMY: Will you or will you not support a law that requires teenagers to take an abstinence pledge before they download music?
BRETT: What does that have to do with…..Forget it. I'm out of here.
SENATOR JIMMY: Is it 2012 yet?
SENATOR RALPH: Yes, damn it, it’s 2012. You've filibustered for two years and brought government to a standstill.
SENATOR JIMMY: Well in that case, we’ll withdraw the hold. The nominee is approved.
SENATOR RALPH: The nominee is dead. There's no more Treasury Department. There's no more country.
SENATOR JIMMY: Well whose fault is that?
Share