But If You Just Tried a Foreclosure, You Might Really Like It
NATALIE: Hello?
JOE: Is this Lightning Mortgage?
NATALIE: I don’t have to tell you that.
JOE: I know this number. This is the number for Lightning Mortgage.
NATALIE: No it’s not.
JOE: This is Joe Strimmers. I talked to you at least 12 times about my mortgage modification. You have my application.
NATALIE: No we don’t. We don’t have your application. We never got it. You’ll have to do a new one.
JOE: Would you just look for it please? Joe Strimmers.
NATALIE: We don’t have your application. We don’t have anybody’s application. There’s nothing here. I just opened our file cabinet and it’s totally empty.
JOE: Every time I send it in, you tell me you never got it. I have a signed receipt from the Post Office that says you received it.
NATALIE: I never signed anything. We don’t sign things.
JOE: This is Joe Strimmers.
NATALIE: I have no idea who that is.
JOE: You’re Natalie, aren’t you?
NATALIE: No I’m not.
JOE: Yes you are. I talked to you a dozen times. You’re the service company for my mortgage. You sent me a foreclosure warning.
NATALIE: I did?
JOE: Yes.
NATALIE: Well, then you’d better take care of it, hadn’t you.
JOE: I am taking care of it. I applied for a modification, which the law says I’m entitled to apply for.
NATALIE: We never received it. If we don’t receive it, we don’t have to do anything. You’re just going to have to be foreclosed on.
JOE: Oh is that so? Well you sent me the foreclosure warning two months ago, and you still haven’t filed anything in court.
NATALIE: Well we’re busy. You think we have all day to talk to you? I can’t talk to you. I have to go.
JOE: You can’t find the mortgage note, can you. You can’t find the signed note, which means that legally you will not be able to go ahead with the foreclosure.
NATALIE: We are doing the foreclosure.
JOE: Not without the note. And you can’t get the note unless I tell you who originated the mortgage.
NATALIE: We don’t need you tell us that.
JOE: Yes you do. You do so.
NATALIE: Do not.
JOE: Do so.
NATALIE: Do not.
JOE: You do so, Natalie O’Leary. I went to high school with you and you know it. You cheated off my test paper in algebra.
NATALIE: That is not my name. You do not know my name.
JOE: Okay, fine. So you want me to hang up then?
NATALIE: I didn’t say that. I said tell me the name of the bank.
JOE: Look, I know you make more money from a foreclosure than you do from a modification, but I want a modification.
NATALIE: But if you just tried a foreclosure, you might really like it.
JOE: No, I’m not going to try it.
NATALIE: What’s so bad about a foreclosure?
JOE: I would lose my house, Natalie. I would be homeless.
NATALIE: Well no plan is perfect.
JOE: I said no.
NATALIE: Well I can’t give you a modification. We’re not allowed to.
JOE: You can’t turn me down without a reason. I still owe $300,000 on the mortgage.
NATALIE: Well then you’re just going to have to pay all of that.
JOE: I lost my job, Natalie. You’ll never get $300,000 from me or anyone else. The house is only worth $100,000 now.
NATALIE: Fine. Then that’s what we’ll get when we foreclose and auction it off.
JOE: But if you sell it to me for $100,000, I’ll get to stay in my house with a mortgage I can afford and you won’t have to pay another $10,000 in legal fees. The investors who own the mortgage will lose less money with a modification than they would with a foreclosure.
NATALIE: No, that can’t be right. You obviously do not understand the mortgage business.
JOE: Well I’m not telling you where the note is. I want my modification.
NATALIE: Oh alright, alright, alright. We’ll consider a modification.
JOE: Thank you.
NATALIE: You’ll have to submit an application.
JOE: I already submitted six applications.
NATALIE: Well we throw out everything that’s more than 30 days old.
JOE: Fine. Where do I send it?
NATALIE: I don’t have to tell you that.
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