by Jerry Polner

GONE WITH THE MASHA was first performed as part of the Brooklyn Playwrights Collective's Confronting Chekhov festival in December 2008.  The play was directed by Lexie Pregosin and featured  Brendan Boland, Seth Bridges, and Eve Danzeisen.

(A conference room.)

SUZETTE
A cordial and gracious hello to you, Stan.  My name  is Suzette.  Welcome to Tara National Bank.  Welcome…..to Atlanta.

TREPLEV
Thank you.  I already live here.

CHUCK
I’m Chuck.  I’m the senior loan officer here.

TREPLEV
Yes, of course, my pleasure.

SUZETTE
Chuck doesn’t count.  You can ignore him.  We’re so looking forward to hearing about your project.  We take great pride in the shining history of our city.  My name is Suzette.

TREPLEV
Yes.  You introduced yourself.

SUZETTE
Say Suzette.

TREPLEV
Suzette.

SUZETTE
Yes, that’s correct.  Suzette.  You’re in excellent physical condition, aren’t you.

TREPLEV
Thank you.

CHUCK
Is Stan your real name?  It says here your name is Konstantine Treplev.

TREPLEV
My mother was a drama major.

SUZETTE
Isn’t that fascinating.  Do you have family in Atlanta Stan?

TREPLEV
No, I moved here on my own.

SUZETTE
Well, that’ll work out just fine then.  Did I mention on the phone that I had a horrid and bilious divorce last year, but I’ve recovered extremely well and I’m totally available?

TREPLEV
No, I don’t think so.

CHUCK
Shouldn’t we be getting started?

SUZETTE
I decide when we get started, Chuck.

CHUCK
Yes, that’s how it’s always been.  And that is how it will always be.

SUZETTE
I am Chuck’s supervisor.  He reports to me.

TREPLEV
Yes, of course.

SUZETTE
I spit on him twice a day and there’s not a thing he can do about it.  Please proceed.

(TREPLEV points at a screen.)

TREPLEV
Thank you.  Well, here you can see an artist’s rendition of the development.  You can see the townhouses, you can see the very high hedges, you can see lots of beautiful fruit trees.  But around the edges and in pretty much each part of the subdivision, you can see clear signs of decay.  Fences that need painting, gardens that need weeding, gutters that are leaking.

SUZETTE
Isn’t that just precious.

TREPLEV
Yes, but you may think it’s unusual that there is all this decay since the place hasn’t been built yet.  But in fact the decay is designed in.

CHUCK
Designed-in decay?

TREPLEV
Exactly.  Because the people who we are marketing to have chosen this motif for their lives.

SUZETTE
That is so inspired.

TREPLEV
Yes.  You see like many Atlanta people, their families made money from the Coca Cola Company many years ago, perhaps generations ago.  And now a lot of that money is gone, they have no idea how to replace it, and they don’t have the level of respect and appreciation that they used to have in the city.

CHUCK
Isn’t that kind of pathetic?

TREPLEV
Yes.  That’s exactly what we’re going for.  We’re calling it Pathetic Village, a Gated Community.  People need to live in a place where everyone is allowed to mourn for the past without any obligation to do anything about it.  They would rather complain than do something, rather whine than take a chance on something new.

CHUCK
So they just pine for the old days?

TREPLEV
Exactly.  They yearn for the lost love that they never had, the sense of order and decorum that their grandparents had. The feeling of respect they got from the larger community because they owned everything and everyone.  Now they don’t own much, and all the important people are out making money and pole-dancing and using computers and just carrying on.

SUZETTE
And why are these whiners and complainers so attracted to this development?

TREPLEV
Because we give them incentives to whine and complain.  We give them 10 percent off on their purchase price if they can show that they never married the only person they ever loved.  Plus, every time they can document a dozen consecutive, genuinely melancholy thoughts, we assign them a broken down, nostalgic, cynical household servant who does no work and stands around talking about the old days.

SUZETTE
I am repulsed.  This entire project is totally without merit.  Where did you go to business school?

CHUCK
Are you stupid or what?

SUZETTE
People in Atlanta aren’t like that.  People want to believe in their future.  People are optimistic.  People have dreams. 

TREPLEV
Well I’m not married to the concept.

SUZETTE
Besides, we don’t really lend money for residential construction anymore.

TREPLEV
I see.  So you lend more for commercial projects?

SUZETTE
No, we don’t like those either.

TREPLEV
Industrial?

SUZETTE
Oh no.  Industrial makes us puke.  There’s really no point in continuing with this.

TREPLEV
Well, I understand your skepticism.  But we’re 30 percent pre-sold, I’ve collected $2 million in deposits, we’ve optioned the building site, the take-out financing is guaranteed.  Your bank would be taking very little risk.  Let me show you the floor plan.

SUZETTE
I can’t believe we’re wasting our time with this.

CHUCK
Suzette, don’t you have to check on that meeting you were trying to set up?

SUZETTE
Yes, thank you.  I have to take care of this.

(She takes out her Blackberry.)

SUZETTE
Chuck, I have no idea why you arranged this.  Can you just wrap it up please?  So we don’t have to be listening to this all day?

(Suzette leaves.)

CHUCK
Sorry I was so crude before, please don’t take it the wrong way.  They don’t let us green-light projects like this anyway.  They just have us here for window dressing.

TREPLEV
I thought you were the loan officer.

CHUCK
Yes, but that doesn’t mean anything.  The senior vice presidents run everything.  Look, you seem really smart.  You’ve obviously got a great development company.  I feel bad asking this, but is there any kind of a job you could offer me?

TREPLEV
A job?

CHUCK
I hate to impose, it’s just that I know the bank is going to find out I lied about my medical career and it’s only a matter of time before they…..

TREPLEV
You were a doctor?

CHUCK
Yes, and I was a good doctor.  I honored the profession.  But with all the regulation, the pressure, the silly health insurance forms….

TREPLEV
So you left the profession because of all the bureaucracy?

CHUCK
That and the conviction for Medicare fraud.  But it was really the bureaucracy.  And what kind of a life can I have after that?  I have nothing to look forward to.  This is why Suzette shows no interest in me.  But no one will ever love her the way that I would love her if she would only drop the restraining order and give me a chance.

TREPLEV
I didn’t know that you and Suzette….

CHUCK
It’s no good, it’s no good, it’s no good.  Why am I kidding  myself.  But if you could just offer me a small opportunity.  It’s true I don’t really know anything about real estate, but I could learn.  And even if I didn’t, what possible harm could I do?  If you hire me, I promise that on most days, I wouldn’t even show up at the office.

TREPLEV
I just don’t think it would be appropriate for me to…..

CHUCK
I’m begging you, Stan.  I could change Suzette’s life.  I could make her forget all those terrible experiences she had.  The marriage, the divorce, the human trafficking charges, it was terrible.  But don’t you see?  Her life would be completely different if she were with me.

TREPLEV
I’m sure it would be.

CHUCK
Perhaps it was never meant to be.  But if only you would reconsider.

SUZETTE
(Entering.)
What is the point?  What is the flaming, failing, festering point?

CHUCK
I’m sorry, Suzette.  They don’t appreciate you.  No one appreciates you.

SUZETTE
What do these people want?

TREPLEV
Bad news?

CHUCK
Suzette was up for one of the senior vice president jobs.  It’s so unfair.

TREPLEV
I’m very sorry.

SUZETTE
What do these people want?  They said you have to meet your goal.  You have to meet your quarterly goal.  My quarterly goal was to make zero loans.  No loans.  And I met my quarterly goal.  No one can argue with that.  What do they want?

CHUCK
They don’t know what they want.

SUZETTE
And then to top it off, these ingrates, these nebbishes, these smelly, gyrating failures tell me that I have a problem dealing with authority.

CHUCK
There’s no dignity.  There’s no civility anymore.  People like us used to be respected.  Now it’s just whoever can make the most money.

 
TREPLEV
This is starting to seem like it might not be the best day for the two of you.  Do you think perhaps we should reschedule for a time when one of your senior vice presidents could make it?

SUZETTE
Look at this life, Treplev.  Speak to my heart.  When will it get better?  When do you honestly think it will get better?

TREPLEV
Maybe Tuesday afternoon?

SUZETTE
I could never be what I wanted to be.  A professor of history, that was my dream.  Yes.  That was what I worked so hard for.  Eleven years as a graduate assistant.  Oh, we don’t hire professors of history anymore, they told me.  You’re living in the past.  My grandfather founded the university.  My father was head of the department.  But I am not good enough to be an assistant professor.  What’s the use.

CHUCK
You can still do it, Suzette.  I’ll help you.

SUZETTE
If only I had a life partner who believed in me, who honored me, things could’ve been different.  Look at me, Treplev.  Look at my past.  Can’t you see how I’ve been wronged all my life?  Look at me.

CHUCK
How dare you.  How dare you do this in front of me, knowing how I feel about you.  I wanted to be your life partner.  I wanted to be the one you turned to.  How could you not know that Suzette?

 SUZETTE
Oh of course I knew.  But it’s no good.  It’s just no good.  You can’t be anyone anymore.  Nothing is real, nothing is authentic.  What’s the point.  There is no point.

(She cries.)

CHUCK
Yes, yes, I see that now.  But if I thought there was half a chance of making you happy, I would jump off a bridge three times to earn your love.

SUZETTE
What’s the point.  Our lives are just playing out the string.  Putting one broken, deformed foot in front of another.

(She continues to cry.)

TREPLEV
I’m sorry if it was something I said.  Usually people don’t react this way to the Powerpoint.  Maybe if I showed you the financial projections, you’d start to feel better.

(He rummages in his briefcase.)

SUZETTE
What’s the point.

(SUZETTE swallows an entire bottle
of pills, washes it down with a flask of
something, and tosses aside the flask.
She slumps off her chair.)

CHUCK
Suzette!  No!

(CHUCK grabs SUZETTE and shakes
her.)

CHUCK

You have to throw up.  You have to throw up.  I can make you nauseous, I know I can.  You have to throw up.  Think of industrial real estate.

(SUZETTE pushes him off.  TREPLEV
picks up the flask and sniffs it.)

SUZETTE
Let go of me.  Those were Tic-Tacs.  What is wrong with you?

(CHUCK releases her.)

TREPLEV
Do you want some more Red Bull?  I have a case of it in my car.

SUZETTE
No.  You should leave.  We should all leave.

TREPLEV
I guess you have other people you need to reject.

SUZETTE
Yes.  If I cared about you, I’d say I was sorry.

CHUCK
It’s almost one o’clock.  Applebees?

SUZETTE
Oh sure, I don’t care.  What’s the difference.  What’s the point.

(CHUCK and SUZETTE exit.
TREPLEV calls after them.)

TREPLEV
You know I hate to disagree, but there really is a point.

(BLACKOUT.)