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News You Can't Use by Jerry Polner
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BUSINESS

Get Mortgage Relief Now - It's in 3-D
Short Circuit City -- How to give greed a bad name
Your Tax Guy-- Friend or Foe?
God Bless The Striking Goodyear Workers -- Every One
When Our Ship Comes In -- The Port Will Be Closed
Who Wants Affordable Prescription Drugs -- Well you can't have them
Sean's Budget -- The Reconciliation Starts Now
Stop the Snow Man -- What the National Enquirer doesn't want you to know about the Treasury Secretary
Enron at Home -- What are Andrew and Lee really like?
I Just Work Here -- How Wal-Mart keeps it clean
Harry &Louise Part 2 -- Why Louise should've stuck with Thelma
The Meat of the Issue -- The cow is mad, and you'd be too.
Compassionate Privatization -- Remember Ari Fleisher? You'll wish you didn't.


CONGRESS

He Knows When You Are Sleeping - He knows
when you're a fake

Total Recall -- Or Partial Recall, If That's All We Can Afford
A Hole In More Than One -- I Didn't Know Jack
We Have Good Chemistry -- Let's Not Die
Bribe Congress Now! -- It's A Gift
Shoveling Snowe -- Leaking Is An Art
Thieves In The House -- And You Can Be One Too
Trust Is Blind -- The Doctor Is Still In
Republicans and Beer -- The Story of Your Retirement
I've Got Your Number -- Social Security Makes Me So Hot
Good Morning, Dr. Frist -- And how is the Majority feeling today?


EDUCATION

Taken to School -- Sure they're criminals. But nobody's perfect.


ELECTIONS

Viva Cerveza -- It's all P.R. now
Why There Are Hotels in Washington
Death by Consumption (Tax) - Bring Back the IRS
Road to the White House - The Resolution Will Not Be Televised
Iowa Nights - Is it the moon?
Vote for the Papist - It's Important
Ready, Freddy -- Get Not Smart
Sound Bite This -- We Know More Than You Do
The Crown and the Glory -- Minus the Glory
No Test Left Behind -- Who Needs Fourth Grade?
Losing Blows -- When it's hard, it's hard.
The Sunshine State -- Florida Fixes Its Electoral Process Once and For All
The Passion of the Bush -- The Making of the Ad
Dear Citizen -- The secret to campaign finance reform


ENERGY - ENVIRONMENT

A True Inconvenience -- The Veep Goes On
I Love You, Let's Buy a Hybrid -- Okay, but let's buy one anyway.
Now That's An Energy Policy -- What's better than $100?


FOREIGN AFFAIRS

If You Want Peace -- Work for Justice
Romance Is Hell -- War Is Worse
Michael Hayden Calling -- It's For You
No More Nukes -- Unless They're Ours
The Hills Have Eyes -- But the NSA Has Lips
Search and Seizure -- Stop whining and enjoy it
Call it Re-Deployment-- An Act of Congress
CPA: Baghdad-- Show Me the Lack of Money
U.N. Me -- Together Forever
The Return of the Nuclear Option -- Hell No, We Won't Glow
From Uzbekistan With Love -- Meet Our New Friends
Ninety-Nine Pages To Hell -- Welcome to Bible Camp
Nukes on Ice -- Let's Proliferate!
The Nuclear Option -- This Week In Baseball
Women Are From Venus, Men Are From Serena -- And We Ain't Going Back!
Lunch with the Gosser -- Intelligence Strikes Back
You're Never Too Young for Paranoia -- Is Your School Safe?
Leave No Child Without Photo ID -- Homeland Security Rocks!
True Crime -- The Patriot Act comes to prime time television


IMMIGRATION

Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor -- And I'll give you Lou Dobbs


ISABELLE, THE ADVENTURES OF

Isabelle on the Line - Don't Miss Your Calling
She's Not Stupid -- She's Not the President Either
Isabelle in Romania -- Wow, is that a black site?
Isabelle Off the Books Part 2 -- Oppression Sells!
Isabelle Off the Books -- Read at Your Own Risk
It's Called Equity, Isabelle -- And It's Awesome
No Justice, No Work -- Isabelle Goes to Washington


KAPLOWITZ, THE ADVENTURES OF

Three Chairs for Dave - Better make it two
Shut Up, I'm Dave -- How We Organize
There's No Such Thing as a Free Kaplowitz -- Join Anyway
This Is An Outrage -- Kaplowitz Offends Congress
Kaplowitz Gets Funded -- Money from the Devil
Kaplowitz on Leadership -- Who Cares About Apathy?
Kapolowitz and the Brownies -- I Don't Think I Know You


MEDIA

DWI TV - You're in the drink, we're in the pink
Red (State) Beans & Rice -- The New Color of Public Broadcasting
Let's Make (Up) The News -- The Media Is You
Rove Speaks -- Liberal Media Chokes Again


MERLENE, THE ADVENTURES OF

Sub-Prime Merlene - Predators Welcome
Standing Up Merlene -- And Dave Too
Merlene Does Security -- When You Really Need a Job
Merlene At The Pump -- This Time It's Personal
Merlene at the Border -- Let's all go native!
Merlene Finds Wal-Mart -- How To Stop Frivolous Law Suits
What Color Is Merlene's Parachute -- Take Drugs and Find Out


SUPREME COURT

No Justice, No Justice -- Harriet Gets First Aide
Who's the Activist Now? -- Justice Sunday and Every Other Day
Judge Not -- Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me
Supreme Court Goes Native -- Honest People Don't Need Habeus Corpus


TRADE

Neo-Con, Neo-Con -- All the world loves a con
Globalization Strikes Again -- You're Still Fired
Whistle While You Shirk -- Let's Make CAFTA Work
Operation Enduring Loan Shark -- Give Crony Capitalism a Chance


WHITE HOUSE

No Forwarding Address -- But he left us a smile
No Justice, No Justice -- No beer either
Get Me the U.S. Attorney -- OK, Get Me Any Attorney
God's Gift To Science -- But The Store Won't Take It Back
Do You Know What It Means -- To Miss New Orleans
How I Put Out the Burning Bush-- Christmas at the White House