This is an Outrage

KAPLOWITZ:
Parents Against Toxics. Good afternoon, this is Kaplowitz.

EDDIE:
Good afternoon, good afternoon. This is Eddie Firbo from Congressman Wiley's office. Isn't this a great day? How are you today?

KAPLOWITZ:
Can I help you?

EDDIE:
I'm great, thank you. May I ask who I'm speaking with please?

KAPLOWITZ:
Jon Kaplowitz.

EDDIE:
Johnny, how are you.

KAPLOWITZ:
It's just Jon.

EDDIE:
What is that, a nickname, Just Jon?

KAPLOWITZ:
Can I help you?

EDDIE:
Well, good afternoon. How are you today.

KAPLOWITZ:
Good afternoon. Is there a reason why you're calling?

EDDIE:
Well as I said, my name is Eddie Firbo, I'm representing Congressman Wiley and the Congressman has not yet had the honor of addressing your organization.

KAPLOWITZ:
Yes, that's correct.

EDDIE:
I understand you have quite a few members. What is it, three, four hundred?

KAPLOWITZ:
Over a thousand.

EDDIE:
Over a thousand, my goodness, isn't that wonderful. So what do you all do there, you get together and have coffee and cake?

KAPLOWITZ:
Coffee and cake?

EDDIE:
Yuh, is that what you do? We've never been to a meeting, that's the only reason I'm asking.

KAPLOWITZ:
We're Parents Against Toxics. We run public education campaigns to stop pollution of natural resources, conserve energy and promote children's health.

EDDIE:
Well that's great. You know the Congressman just heard about you and he'd really like to come down and speak at one of your meetings.

KAPLOWITZ:
We sent the Congressman a petition with over 10,000 signatures calling for the cleanup of the toxic waste dump at Cassidy Creek. And he never responded.

EDDIE:
What do you mean, never responded.

KAPLOWITZ:
Never responded. As in never responded. No letter, no phone call, no email.

EDDIE:
Well it can be hard to keep up with email. Sometimes, I just pull out the damn plug and I say the hell with it.

KAPLOWITZ:
This wasn't email. This was a hard copy signed petition and he ignored it.

EDDIE:
Well I must say that is surprising. Did you send it to the Washington office?

KAPLOWITZ:
Yes we did.

EDDIE:
Oh well see, that's the problem. You can't send things to the Washington office. Those people are busy there. You can't bother them with those things. You should've sent it to the district office.

KAPLOWITZ:
We sent follow-up letters to the district office and there was no response.

EDDIE:
Well I can't understand how that could have happened.

KAPLOWITZ:
Can I help you with something?

EDDIE:
Well the Congressman would be delighted to speak at your next meeting, subject to his availability, of course.

KAPLOWITZ:
We don't normally have elected officials as speakers, but I'll pass the request on to our steering committee.

EDDIE:
And will you recommend they accept?

KAPLOWITZ:
No, I will not.

EDDIE:
No? Just like that? Well Johnny, I think that is an outrage.

KAPLOWITZ:
Mr. Firbo, the Congressman has ignored us for three years and has a terrible record on issues the parents care about.

EDDIE:
A terrible record? A terrible record? He has a delightful record. Especially on parents issues. He is a parent. Congressman Wiley is a parent. Did you know that? Congressman Wiley is a parent.

KAPLOWITZ:
I never would've guessed that.

EDDIE:
He is a parent and a grandparent. And you're saying he isn't good enough to have coffee and cake?

KAPLOWITZ:
We don't have coffee and cake. We've never had coffee and cake!

EDDIE:
I was misinformed.

KAPLOWITZ:
What is he doing about mercury in the Cassidy River?

EDDIE:
Mercury? Well that would make the river run faster, wouldn't it? Isn't that a good thing?

KAPLOWITZ:
I don't think so. What about CAFE standards?

EDDIE:
We're for that. We're totally for that.

KAPLOWITZ:
I'm glad to hear that. What do you think the CAFE standards should be?

EDDIE:
We're totally in favor of cafe standards. If you're going to have a cafe, the coffee has to be fresh, the pastry has to be good. All that is important. You have to have cafe standards. We completely support that.

KAPLOWITZ:
Thank you, I'm writing all this down. What about stopping processed food in school lunches?

EDDIE:
You mean like broccoli? Yuh, I hate that. The Congressman really hates that.

KAPLOWITZ:
That's great to hear.

EDDIE:
So can he meet with your steering committee?

KAPLOWITZ:
No.

EDDIE:
No?

KAPLOWITZ:
No.

EDDIE:
Well Johnny, this is an outrage.