Merlene at the Border

JACKIE:
Merlene, it's especially nice to meet you. Welcome to the Patriotic Kids After-School Center.

MERLENE:
Thank you. Is there a reason you call it that?

JACKIE:
We'll discuss that later. Did you bring your little one today?

MERLENE:
No, Randy's at my mother's house. I wanted to talk to you all and find out more about the center before I bring him in.

JACKIE:
Well, that was most judicious of you. I'm sure you're the right kind of mother.

MERLENE:
What kind is that?

JACKIE:
Well, someone who would want their child to have the benefits of an after-school education. Is he enrolled in an after-school program now?

MERLENE:
No, I'm still looking around. He definitely needs some help with his homework and I don't want him getting into trouble after school, but the other programs seem, well, so expensive, and when my sister heard that you only charge.....

JACKIE:
Two dollars and fifty cents per month. In advance.

MERLENE:
Yes, that's quite reasonable. How are you able to afford to run the place and have teachers and all?

JACKIE:
Our costs are underwritten by several private donors whose names I would not be able to reveal to you under any circumstances and I would rather you didn't ask me.

MERLENE:
Okay. Can you tell me more about what you do here?

JACKIE:
We'll come to that shortly. Let's get to know each other. Do you like Jello?

MERLENE:
Yes.

JACKIE:
Isn't that nice. Are you a native born citizen?

MERLENE:
Of Decatur? Yes, born and raised.

JACKIE:
And your folks were from here?

MERLENE:
Yes.

JACKIE:
Didn't come over from someplace else? Someplace far away?

MERLENE:
What place would that be?

JACKIE:
I don't think I need to tell you. And what does Randy's father do?

MERLENE:
Randy's father is not in the picture.

JACKIE:
I see. Tell me about that picture. You are Randy's sole support?

MERLENE:
Look, I can afford to pay for....

JACKIE:
I didn't ask you that. You are presently employed?

MERLENE:
I'm a secretary at the Crespers Company.

JACKIE:
On Highway 6?

MERLENE:
Yes, that's right. May I ask you some questions?

JACKIE:
Our organization is an open book, Merlene.

MERLENE:
I'm sure. Why do you call it the Patriotic Kids Center?

JACKIE:
We have all the children recite the Pledge of Allegiance every day. Do you have a problem with that?

MERLENE:
Of course not. He does that in school.

JACKIE:
Well, we use a slightly different ending in our version. You can read it on this card.

MERLENE:
"And God bless the members of the Border Patrol who take their job seriously."

JACKIE:
Does that bother you?

MERLENE:
No, I guess not. Are you especially interested in the border?

JACKIE:
Yes, Merlene, we are. We believe that America should be America and that other countries should be other countries. That is why we take the children on a field trip to the border once a month so they can see the difference and so they don't get confused. We believe it is extremely educational.

MERLENE:
I'm sure it is. Do you help children with their reading?

JACKIE:
Yes we do. They spend an hour a day reading aloud from this book, our Minuteman Reader.

MERLENE:
"Collected Speeches of the Honorable Tom Tancredo." Isn't he the Congressman who started the Minuteman Project?

JACKIE:
Yes he is. And he has been a consistent supporter of the Patriotic Kids After-School Program, though not in any way which would violate the stringently enforced ethics rules of the U.S. House of Representatives.

MERLENE:
You don't like immigrants?

JACKIE:
As I'm sure you know, illegal immigrants steal all our jobs, they steal our taxpayer-supported public services, and they steal our dignity.

MERLENE:
If they were working all our jobs, wouldn't that mean they were paying all the taxes?

JACKIE:
Well I'm sorry you don't see your hand in front of your face, Merlene. But our children are precious to us and we tell them the truth.

MERLENE:
If people really cared about their children, why do we have the lowest math scores in the state?

JACKIE:
Well I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about because our children do very well at that.

MERLENE:
Do you give them help with their math?

JACKIE:
Yes we do. We most certainly do. Look at these flash cards, missy. You just take a look.

MERLENE:
"If you have 10 wetbacks and you kill 3 of them, how many wetbacks do you have left?"

JACKIE:
There, you see?