Who Wants Drugs

PAUL:
Good morning, Park Pharmacy.


RUTHIE:
Guess who.


PAUL:
Well gee, I’m not sure. You’re going to have to say something I’m used to hearing from you.


RUTHIE:
Get out of my flower garden or I’ll set fire to your caboose.


PAUL:
Mrs. Cabot?


RUTHIE:
Oh please, call me Ruthie. Your father called me Ruthie.


PAUL:
My father had a right to call you Ruthie. He took you to the senior prom.


RUTHIE:
Well I still need a date if you’re looking for something quick and easy.


PAUL:
My wife is the jealous type, Mrs. Cabot.


RUTHIE:
She should be. I don’t look a day over 78 and I don’t ask questions.


PAUL:
In my next life I’m yours.


RUTHIE:
You’re on. You got my meds?


PAUL:
Well, let’s see about that. No more Medicaid for you, right?


RUTHIE:
No, they got me on this new Medicare Part D now. Seems like every year there’s a new part, but they never give us the whole thing.


PAUL:
So you’ve got a private insurance company now.


RUTHIE:
Yes sir. I have Mutual Providential Guaranty Life for my xanactin and my slicterfer, but they won’t take care of my jazzox.


PAUL:
Yuh, that’s right. We couldn’t find one company that had all three drugs in their formulary. More damn red tape they’re making us go through.


RUTHIE:
Oh well, I’m sure they mean well. Beggars can’t be choosers.


PAUL:
Yes ma’am. Let’s just look you up in the computer here so I know what’s what.


RUTHIE:
You know my prescription frontwards and backwards, Paul.


PAUL:
Yes I know, Ruthie, but this new program is complicated and they don’t tell us everything. Okay, you’re here in the system, but you have a $250 deductible and once you make that, there’s going to be a co-payment for each batch you order.


RUTHIE:
Oh Paul, I can’t pay $250. I’m supposed to be in there as a former Medicaid recipient. They’re supposed to give me a subsidy.


PAUL:
I know, but they don’t have that set up yet.


RUTHIE:
Oh my heavens, what do they expect us to do?


PAUL:
I’m sorry, Ruthie, I’ve called them about this with three other customers. I can’t make up the prescriptions for you because there’s no way they’re going to reimburse me without an approval number.


RUTHIE:
Oh no, I don’t expect you to do that for goodness sake. You’ve got a family to take care of.


PAUL:
You should call up Congressman Allgood and give him a piece of your mind. He voted for this damn thing, he made us all these promises about how Medicare Part D and it’s turned into a nightmare on toast.


RUTHIE:
Well, he’s a fine young man, and I was proud to vote for him. I’m sure he’s doing the best he possibly can. And I hate these people who make a nuisance of themselves, complaining about this, that, and the other thing. Making everything into some political beef. I just don’t believe in that. This is my personal business.


PAUL:
You need those medications, Ruthie, I don’t want to see you go without. I’ll give you a few pills of each just to tide you over.


RUTHIE:
But you shouldn’t have to do that, Paul. I’ll call these people at Mutual Guaranty. That nice young girl who signed me up, I’m sure they’ll take care of it.


PAUL:
Well okay, but don’t you go without, understand? If they can’t help, you call and let me know.


RUTHIE:
I will, Paul, you’re a sweetheart. And you’re still going to save me a dance, aren’t you?


PAUL:
It’s a date, Ruthie. Bye bye.


RUTHIE:
Bye bye. What did I do with that girl’s number? 866 something. What was her name? Stephanie? Brittany? Tiffany? Hello?


MUTUAL WOMAN:
Hello, this is Normandy.


RUTHIE:
Hello, Normally, how are you?


MUTUAL WOMAN:
Normandy.


RUTHIE:
You’re calling me from Normandy?


MUTUAL WOMAN:
You called me.


RUTHIE:
Well I’m not in Normandy.


MUTUAL WOMAN:
My name is Normandy.


RUTHIE:
Norma, yes, of course. This is Ruthie Cabot, you signed me up for a Part D plan a few months ago. You remember me?


MUTUAL WOMAN:
Uhh...yuh, sure. How are you?


RUTHIE:
Closer to death. I need my heart medication and my arthritis pills. And the pharmacy says my subsidy isn’t on the computer system. I can’t afford to pay a $250 deductible.


MUTUAL WOMAN:
Well, we sent them all the paperwork. We don’t handle the subsidy, Mrs. Cabot. That’s Medicare’s responsibility.


RUTHIE:
But you sold me the plan. This is your plan. You told me you would do everything.


MUTUAL WOMAN:
We do do everything. We just don’t pay for it.


RUTHIE:
If I had the money to pay for it, I wouldn’t need a plan.


MUTUAL WOMAN:
We don’t hand out money, ma’am. We’re an insurance company.


RUTHIE:
Then what am I supposed to do?


MUTUAL WOMAN:
It’s just paperwork, what are you so all bent out of shape about?


RUTHIE:
I don’t like the tone of your voice, young lady. Now you apologize to me and you call Medicare or whoever and straighten this thing out.


MUTUAL WOMAN:
We’re not allowed to do that, ma’am. We don’t make those calls.


RUTHIE:
You called me 23 times, what do you mean you don’t make calls.


MUTUAL WOMAN:
What is the big deal? Just go to Medicare.gov.


RUTHIE:
It happens that I don’t drive. And I would appreciate some service.


MUTUAL WOMAN:
I can’t talk to you anymore, ma’am, I have to go back to work.


RUTHIE:
This is work. I’m your work. What do you mean, you can’t...Hello? Norma? Well I never. Where is that blankety blank number. Toll free 1-800-Medicare. Everything is free except what you wanted in the first place. C-A-R-E....Hello?


MEDICARE:
For questions about the new Medicare Prescription Drug Program, you can visit Medicare.gov.


RUTHIE:
I don’t drive!