Your Tax Guy

TAX GUY:
Okay, you're all set. All you have to do is make out the check and sign your return.


JOE:
Great, everything looks great. Here's the check. I'm just going to staple this page onto the return.


TAX GUY:
What's that?


JOE:
It's a signing statement.


TAX GUY:
Only the W-2. You can only attach the W-2. This isn't a W-2.


JOE:
I told you. It's a signing statement.


TAX GUY:
No signing statement. You can't do that.


JOE:
President Bush does it all the time.


TAX GUY:
You're not President Bush.


JOE:
So what does that mean? That I can't make a statement?


TAX GUY:
You can't attach it. They won't like it. They could report you.


JOE:
Report me to who?


TAX GUY:
I don't know. They could audit you.


JOE:
They're not going to audit me.


TAX GUY:
If you get in trouble, we can't represent you at an audit.


JOE:
You guaranteed me that you would represent me at an audit.


TAX GUY:
Not if you alter the return we prepared.


JOE:
I didn't alter the return. I'm just attaching one page. All it says is that.....


TAX GUY:
I don't want to know what it says.


JOE:
It says that by accepting this payment, the IRS agrees that the money will not be used for any war which has not been properly declared according to the terms of the Constitution of the United States.


TAX GUY:
Are you an enemy combatant?


JOE:
No.


TAX GUY:
Then why are you doing this?


JOE:
Because I have to put them on notice that my tax payment cannot be used for any purpose that is unconstitutional.


TAX GUY:
Do you want to be on the no-fly list? Is that what you want?


JOE:
How are we going to make the country better if we aren't willing to speak up?


TAX GUY:
I have a family. You think I want to go to Guantanamo Bay?


JOE:
This has nothing to do with you.


TAX GUY:
I have to sign the return as the professional preparer. I have to put my name on this.


JOE:
You're not signing my statement. It's my statement, not yours. I'm signing it.


TAX GUY:
It still has my name down there. They'll ask me about it. They'll ask me why I allowed it. They'll say I put you up to it.


JOE:
That's ridiculous. You had nothing to do with it. Just send it in and forget about it.


TAX GUY:
I'm an illegal immigrant.


JOE:
What?


TAX GUY:
I have no papers. Not real ones. My boss doesn't know. I'm from Guatemala.


JOE:
I'm sorry.


TAX GUY:
Why? It's a beautiful country.


JOE:
No, I mean.....Forget it.

(JOE tears off the statement.)



JOE:
I'm sorry, I didn't know. I would never do anything to, you know.....Endanger you.


TAX GUY:
Thank you. You are a good man. But please don't throw it away. It's very...very well written. May I put it up on my wall?