Shoveling Snowe

EARL:
We got to talk about Snowe, Merle. We got to have a plan.


MERLE:
I know we got to have a plan, I just told you we got to have a plan.


EARL:
If she stops another Senate vote on extending the tax cuts, Karl is going to be more pissed than a.....


MERLE:
Stifle it. We can't call him that. We have to use his code name so he has deniability.


EARL:
What's his code name?


MERLE:
Not-Karl.


EARL:
Not Karl?


MERLE:
Not-Karl.


EARL:
Sounds ethnic. Is it supposed to be ethnic?


MERLE:
Exactly. Plus, if his name is Not-Karl.....


EARL:
Then it's not Karl.


MERLE:
Isn't that brilliant?


EARL:
It is brilliant. We're brilliant. Who would believe we work in the White House?


MERLE:
Yeah, but what are we going to do about Snowe?


EARL:
We got to pull it out from under her. Leak enough stories so the press can see who she really is.


MERLE:
Senator Olympia Snowe? The pride of Maine? What are you going to do, show photos of her making it with a Canadian lesbian?


EARL:
Yuh, that's good, that could work. And you know what guys in Maine really hate? They hate people who escape from long, cold terrible winters. They think everybody should be a-holes like them who freeze to death everytime they go outside to get a Slurpy. So let's say she has a secret house in Malibu.


MERLE:
That's not consistent, Earl. We've already established that she's Canadian lesbian. They hate the beach.


EARL:
That's right, that's right. So it has to be in the mountains. Colorado. She has a secret house in Vail that she won playing Texas Hold 'Em with Ellen DeGeneris.


MERLE:
Okay, good. That's believable. But it's not incriminating enough. She's Greek, isn't she. Maybe she's related to Mike DuCaucus.


EARL:
It's all small potatoes. There's really only one thing we can use.


MERLE:
You mean...


EARL:
We have to, Merle. There's no choice. Call that woman you know at the Times and tell her that Olympia Snowe's husband is a secret CIA operative.


MERLE:
What's the difference? Who cares about that?


EARL:
You're right. Okay, I got it. We spread the rumor all over Maine that Olympia Snowe hates lobster.


MERLE:
Yuh, that'll work.