Losing Blows

SKIPPY:
We just got the call.

CHUCK:
From who?

SKIPPY:
From whom.

CHUCK:
Eat it. From whom did we get the call, dinkweed.

SKIPPY:
Mehlman's office. They took us off of voter suppression in Ohio.

CHUCK:
Balls. You mean I don't get to sleep with every bitch in Akron?

SKIPPY:
Sadly, no.

CHUCK:
So we're doing voter suppression in Florida?

SKIPPY:
No chance.

CHUCK:
Voter suppression in Las Vegas?

SKIPPY:
You wish.

CHUCK:
Voter suppression up my ass?

SKIPPY:
That would be above my pay grade.

CHUCK:
I live to suppress.

SKIPPY:
As do I. But all the V.S. offices are staffed up. All the Get-Out-The-Vote offices are staffed up. And they got two paid staffers to blow up each balloon on election night. If business gets slow, they blow each other.

CHUCK:
So where are they sending us.

SKIPPY:
Nowhere. We got to stay here and work on the doomsday scenario.

CHUCK:
Which is?

SKIPPY:
The Democrats take one or both houses.

CHUCK:
Never happen.

SKIPPY:
Doesn't matter. Mehlman has to be prepared with a spin just in case. What is he going to say to Wolf?

CHUCK:
Democrats cannot win. Never happen. That dog won't bunt.

SKIPPY:
Won't hunt. That dog won't hunt.

CHUCK:
Are you sure?

SKIPPY:
Dogs don't play baseball.

CHUCK:
Exactly. That's why you can be sure the dog won't bunt.

SKIPPY:
You know what? Just wait here and I'll go send you an email from the real world.

CHUCK:
So what are we supposed to do?

SKIPPY:
Let's write it now, get it done early, show them we're way cool professionals, and we deserve to be sent to Florida.

CHUCK:
Do we have to?

SKIPPY:
You ready? Hit me, Chucky. Hit me!

CHUCK:
With what?

SKIPPY:
Hit me. What's our headline?

CHUCK:
Nancy Pelosi Bites.

SKIPPY:
A little bit too mean sounding. Personally, I like it, but that's just me.

CHUCK:
What's wrong with it?

SKIPPY:
It's too, you know, anti-Semitic.

CHUCK:
She's not Jewish. She's Italian.

SKIPPY:
Same thing. Plus, she's a woman.

CHUCK:
Well, the DNA tests haven't come back yet on that, but so what if she is?

SKIPPY:
Our constituency things you're not supposed to beat up on a woman in public. That's what motel rooms are for.

CHUCK:
So what do you want to go with?

SKIPPY:
Give me some substance. Give me some talking points. What's Mehlman going to say?

CHUCK:
Point One. The Democrats are assholes. No election can change that.

SKIPPY:
Excellent point.

CHUCK:
Point Two. The Democrats didn't win a two-thirds majority, which means they lost. They can't pass anything over W's veto, which means they can't actually do anything but go on whining.

SKIPPY:
Bunch of frigging whiners.

CHUCK:
Point Three. Nobody votes in mid-terms. Turn-out is like 20%. So even if the Democrats got like 12%, all they proved is that 12% of Americans are assholes.

SKIPPY:
I would've thought it was way higher.

CHUCK:
It is, with the wind-chill factor. Point Four. This is the big one. The whole purpose of this election was for the American people to say to the Democrats, Put up or shut up.

SKIPPY:
Put in in writing.

CHUCK:
Put it where the sun don't shine. The American people are so sick of Democrats complaining that they decided to give them Congress for two years to absolutely prove once and for all that they are frigging useless. And frankly, we Republicans are happy they did.

SKIPPY:
Chucky you nailed it.

CHUCK:
Who nailed it?

SKIPPY:
You nailed it.

CHUCK:
Who nailed it?

SKIPPY:
You nailed it!

CHUCK:
I nailed it and I am going to South Beach, you royal dinkweed.

SKIPPY:
What about me?

CHUCK:
You got stay here all night and type it.

SKIPPY:
Balls.