Women are from Venus, Men are from Serena

DEPUTY:
Answer my question. Is your name Julio Ortiz?


JULIO:
I don’t know. What day is it?


DEPUTY:
What do they call you?


JULIO:
They call me Mr. Tibbs.


DEPUTY:
Excuse me?


JULIO:
Skip it.


DEPUTY:
I am Regional Immigration and Naturalization Deputy Josephson. And I don’t need to tell you who I am.


JULIO:
Then why did you just tell me who you are?


DEPUTY:
I ask the questions, buddy.


JULIO:
Sorry, I got to get back to work.


DEPUTY:
No, sir, I believe you have to stay here. We have contacted your employer and he understands that you have been brought into the Immigration and Naturalization Service for questioning.


JULIO:
I’ll bet that was a big surprise to him.


DEPUTY:
Are you authorized to work in the United States of America?


JULIO:
I applied for the job, they hired me. So I’m authorized.


DEPUTY:
Show me your work authorization card.


JULIO:
You show me yours first.


DEPUTY:
I don’t have to have a work authorization card. I am a citizen of the United States.


JULIO:
Okay, I’ll be a citizen too.


DEPUTY:
You cannot be a citizen if you do not have the proper documents.


JULIO:
I’ll go to Wal-Mart, they have everything.


DEPUTY:
You can’t get this in Wal-Mart. This isn’t something that you....Never mind. I do not have to respond to your comments.


JULIO:
You’re right, man. Too much talk. Let’s go for a beer.


DEPUTY:
I do not drink on the job.


JULIO:
You’re lucky. You still have a job not to drink on.


DEPUTY:
I’m trying to help you, Mister. Why are you agitating against your employer?


JULIO:
You mean because I joined the union?


DEPUTY:
Don’t you think that was a hostile act?


JULIO:
The size of our wages is a hostile act.


DEPUTY:
I don’t believe this union has been approved by the National Labor Relations Board.


JULIO:
They don’t have to approve a union if the workers support it.


DEPUTY:
And what other workers support this union?


JULIO:
I don’t know, you’ll have to talk to them.


DEPUTY:
In fact you’re the ringleader of the whole thing and you know exactly who is supporting the union, don’t you.


JULIO:
Yes I do. You know where I keep the list?


DEPUTY:
No I don’t.


JULIO:
That’s right, and it’s going to stay that way.


DEPUTY:
What country are you from?


JULIO:
You know where Guatemala is?


DEPUTY:
Sure I do.


JULIO:
It’s across the street from there.


DEPUTY:
So why don’t you go back home where you belong?


JULIO:
My flight was cancelled.


DEPUTY:
When was that?


JULIO:
Seventeen years ago.


DEPUTY:
What are you doing here causing trouble?


JULIO:
If you let my family come up here, I’d calm down and I wouldn’t cause so much trouble.


DEPUTY:
We didn’t let you in, why should we let your kids in?


JULIO:
You did let me in. If you didn’t let me in, I wouldn’t be here. If you didn’t want me here, you wouldn’t have given me a job.


DEPUTY:
So if you’re so damn happy with your job, what do you need the union for?


JULIO:
Is the Department of Immigration telling me I can’t join a union?


DEPUTY:
I didn’t say that.


JULIO:
Let’s put this on the record.


DEPUTY:
No, no, no, this isn’t on the record.


JULIO:
It is now.


DEPUTY:
What do you mean?


JULIO:
You think I’d talk to you without recording the whole thing?


DEPUTY:
You wearing a bug?


JULIO:
Of course not. You searched me on the way in. I had to put it somewhere else.


DEPUTY:
What the hell you doing recording me? You can’t record me.


JULIO:
I didn’t say I was.


DEPUTY:
You got a bug or you don’t got a bug?


JULIO:
I don’t know, man. I guess you’re going to have to start looking for it. You’d better tear this place apart. There’s no telling where I put it.


DEPUTY:
Are you going to give me that list or not?


JULIO:
I don’t have it with me. I’ll have to go home to get it.


DEPUTY:
You think I’m stupid? You give me that list or I put you on the next plane out of here.


JULIO:
You’re going to deport me because I’m supporting the union?


DEPUTY:
I didn’t say that. You’re the one who’s making things up now.


JULIO:
You want a list? I’ll give you a list. I have a list of 29 people who your department let into this country even though the name on their fake passport was on the terrorist list.


DEPUTY:
Hold on here. You a terrorist?


JULIO:
No, dishwasher. But it’s easy to get us confused.


DEPUTY:
You’re making this up....Where did you get the terrorist list?


JULIO:
The world wide web. You think dishwashers don’t have broadband? I love this country.


DEPUTY:
If they’re not terrorists, why would they come into the country using a terrorist ID?


JULIO:
For only one reason. So you would worry that someone would find out you were the guy who let them in.
See you later, Deputy.